October 2021 Steeple Sounds 2 2

Beloved in Christ,

Last week I was talking with a colleague about COVID, death, and the importance of the Ring Theory in our congregations. It’s a really great visual for understanding how to care for folks in grief. Some of you may already know about Ring Theory, but for those of you who don’t, this is so incredibly important to keep in mind when relating to folks who are dealing with death, dying, and grief. And that’s all of us right now.

The center ring holds the name of whomever is dealing with trauma, grief, or illness.

A slightly larger circle around the first one is filled with those closest to that person. This usually includes a partner or significant other, parents, children, or siblings.

A larger circle around the first two holds the names of close friends or extended family. More outer circles can be drawn to include neighbors, colleagues, classmates, acquaintances, etc.

Ring theory is summed up by four words: Comfort In. Dump Out.

Susan Silk, a psychiatrist enduring breast cancer, coined this theory and idea. She said the person in the center, the person going through it, can vent and complain as loud as they want to whomever they want. It’s their right. According to Silk, “That’s the one payoff for being in the center ring.”

People in the outer rings can also vent but they’re only allowed to do so with people in rings past their own. For example, a significant other would “dump out” their negative emotions to friends or colleagues. But dumping out on people within your ring or the person in the center doesn’t help them or anyone else. Because (and this is important!) a grieving person should not feel the need to comfort someone else over their own situation. The Ring Theory can help.

We live in a society where we post, tweet, and write about ourselves and our views constantly. We’re preoccupied with what we think and feel about everything. Some people take that to an extreme. They view even the experiences of others through their own lens and particular point of view and it isn’t healthy or helpful or compassionate or Christ-like.

Imagine you’re about to undergo serious surgery. Something you’re feeling nervous about it. How would you feel if your partner told you, in detail, how frightened they were that you might die? Now it’s become your responsibility to comfort someone else rather than be comforted! It would benefit everyone involved if instead, you came to me as your pastor, or a therapist, or someone else in an outer ring. That’s what Silk meant by “dump out.” If you know a person experiencing illness or trauma, you have such an important role to play – that of supportive loved one. Embrace it. And embrace the person who needs it. Don’t make it about you.

Then comes the hard part. What can you say to someone in the center of the Ring? How do you support someone during their difficult time? Here are some dos and don’ts.

Don’t say:
“I know how you feel.”
“You’ll get over this.”
“I want to feel helpful.”
“That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.”
“I went through something like this.”
“Here’s what I would do.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“People have been through worse.”
“You’ll be fine.”
“Don’t cry.”
“He/She wouldn’t want you to be sad.”
“God only gives us what we can handle.”
“You’ve got to get over this and be strong.”

These are platitudes and do nothing to acknowledge the pain the grieving person is going through.

Do say:
“I’m sorry you’re going through this.” or “I’m sorry this happened.” or “I’m sorry for your loss.” “I’m so sorry” is one of the sweetest, simplest, most comforting phrases. All by itself.

Do send texts or notes or emails saying “You’re in my thoughts”.

“This can’t be easy.” Acknowledge the feelings. People don’t feel alone when we validate that what they’re going through is hard. When we nod along with them, holding space without the need to insert personal anecdotes, we’re actually giving them the gift of support and presence.

“Would it help to talk about it?” Some folks want to discuss what’s happening, while others find it helpful to keep details to themselves. Offer to listen without any attachment whatsoever to their response. If they want to talk, then listen. If they don’t want to talk, then understand without taking it personally.

“I don’t know what to say.” Admitting you don’t know what to say is perfectly acceptable. And understandable. We all know what that feels like. It’s also refreshingly honest. Then sit quietly with them until they feel like talking. There is a peaceful and healing quality in silence. Those who are comfortable not talking are sometimes exactly what a person in pain needs the most.

Don’t be afraid of the silence. Hold that space and breathe with your loved one, providing comfort without words.

Yours In Christ,
Rev. Beth

In-person worship is now available every week!

Masks are required regardless of your vaccination status, and other COVID protocols are in place for your safety and the safety of our community.

REMOTE WORSHIP ON FACEBOOK AND YOUTUBE will continue on Sundays even after in-person worship resumes.

• We will continue to worship virtually for the forseeable future.
• Use the link on the homepage of www.csccucc.org to access Sunday worship. Click on the COVID-19 update link to access the YouTube link for past services.

We are so very grateful for all those who have been able to continue their giving during the past year, and those that were able to give more. We know it has been a trying time for many financially as well as emotionally. With crucial annual fundraisers having had to be cancelled or downsized, such as our golf tournament, it has stressed our church finances even more than usual.

Donations and offerings can be made in any of the following ways:

• Checks can be mailed to the church (71 Central Square, Bridgewater, MA 02324)

• Bill-pay through your bank can be set up for one-time or recurring payments

• Payments can be made via the Paypal link at the top of our website home page (no Paypal account necessary)

If you have any questions, you can email the Treasurer directly and confidentially at treasurer @ csccucc.com.

Thank you for your caring and generosity.

The first meeting of the Women’s Guild will take place on October 6 (IN PERSON) in Fellowship Hall. The meeting will begin at 6:30pm.Please note that masks will be required!

Normally we would be having a pot luck supper, but this year, to be on the safe side, we are requesting everyone to bring their own box supper and utensils. The Executive Board will provide coffee, tea, water, and dessert.

The kitchen can be used on a very limited basis which does not include preparation and clean up. All ladies of the church - and beyond - are welcome to join us. We would love to have you!

Our major topic of discussion will be our Fall Yard Sale. The yard sale will be held this year on October 23 on the church grounds from 10am until 2pm. Please bring all of your ideas and enthusiasm to the meeting. Let’s see if we can top last year’s total sales!

Hope to see you on October 6!
Bette deKoning and Sandy Alley
Co-Presidents

Pastoral care is one of the most powerful ways we can demonstrate the love of God to one another. It must not be left to the minister and elders alone; God calls all of us to love each other. How well we care for each other will influence how well we care for our neighbors. The following ideas will help you build or strengthen the culture of caring in your church.

OFFER CARE TO ALL - The aim of creating a culture of caring in your church is not simply about strengthening relationships between people; it is also a sign of the kingdom of God and strengthens our relationships with God. When a person is welcomed, understood, and supported by others in the church community, it shapes their perception of God’s love and acceptance. It is important that everyone receive support in a church community. Keep an eye out for those whose needs often get overlooked, including those on the peripheries of the community as well as those who are often the caregivers instead of the receivers of care.

MAKE CARING AN EVERYDAY PRACTICE - It is important to attend to the needs of people who are going through crises; however, it is also important to show interest and care for people in your church community regularly:

• Ask people how they are doing and genuinely listen to what they say.
• Look for opportunities for simple acts of kindness.
• Speak words of encouragement.

To be continued…

*Taken from “Ways to Be a Caring Church Community” published by The Presbyterian Church in Canada/EQ4

Submitted by Carol Chaffee/Care Team Member

Details are still being finalized regarding what the fair will look like this year, and what we can safely do. But we’re hoping to have the following events:

• Bake Table (cakes, cookies, breads, pies)
• Raffle baskets
• Harvest table
• To-go homemade soups for lunch
• Homemade fudge
• Attic Treasures
• Crafts!
• Jewelry sale

At the moment, this is the BIGGEST FUNDRAISER FOR THE CHURCH OF THE YEAR. Many hands make this event a successful event. What can you do?

We need:
• Pie, cookie, and bread bakers
• Soup makers! One crockpot of soup from half a dozen or so folks will make for a GREAT take-out lunch event!
• Volunteers the day of the fair to help out around and about
• Gift basket donations! Do you know a local business that would donate a gift basket in return for some publicity? Or maybe your family would put together a fun basket!
• Community service-seeking students.
• Setup and cleanup crews
• Fudge makers! We’ll provide the recipe.
• Folks to distribute flyers at their favorite public places.

Contact the church office if you are able to contribute any of the above, or if you have another idea!

VOLUNTEERS NEEDED!

The Food Pantry needs a few volunteers who are available from approximately 11am – 1pm on Thursdays, to deliver bags of groceries to Bridgewater residents without transportation.

In most cases, a member of the Food Pantry will contact the volunteer(s) a day in advance (on Wednesday), if needed. If you can help and want to be put on the list to be called into service, please contact the church office by phone or send an e-mail to Deborah at office @ csccucc.com for further information.

The UCC “Neighbors in Need” collection will take place on OCTOBER 3 during worship. Neighbors in Need is a special mission offering of the United Church of Christ that supports ministries of justice and compassion throughout the United States. Please consider making a donation to this worthy effort. If you are watching at home and wish to donate, CLICK HERE, and choose “Neighbors in Need” on the “Use this donation for” dropdown menu, or mail a check to the church office and note “Neighbors in Need” on the memo line.

Children deserve to know they belong, especially in school. One simple yet powerful way to achieve that is giving them art supplies that represent a range of skin tones. That way, they can more accurately reflect themselves in every self portrait or superhero they draw.

The Crayon Project, a non-profit organization created by Bridgewater residents Kevin and Beth Anne Bligh, raises funds from people and businesses across the U.S. and donates multicultural art supplies to schools and non-profit organizations in an effort to spread respect for diversity among young children. On behalf of Central Square Church, UCC, the Board of Christian Outreach made a generous donation to their cause to ensure that all children’s skin tones are represented in their art supply box. If you would like more information about The Crayon Project, visit their website at thecrayonproject.org. There you will also see just how many schools and organizations have benefited from their mission. If you’d like to make a donation, visit their paypal at www.paypal.me/thecrayonproject, or you can mail a check to: The Crayon Project, 40 Glenmore Lane, Bridgewater, MA 02324.

Soon we will gather for the annual Church Fair with many offerings including the Harvest Table, hosted and supplied by the Hanson Family for many years.

The family’s participation extends back some 70-plus years and into three generations, Carol Hanson Chaffee recalled for our current 200th anniversary church history project. Her Hanson grandparents started the local farm in Bridgewater and, while not a member, Grandmother Helga Hanson was a regular participant in worship and activities at Central Square Congregational Church. Carol’s mother, Doris Hanson, was also active in this church: taught Sunday school, sang in the choir, served on many committees; was the first altar committee and was a member of Women’s Guild for many, many years. Carol tagged along with mom to church as a young child while her brothers helped with farm chores.

The Sunday nursery room, where the office now is located, was overseen in the 1960s by Gladys Moore who kept “the cradle roll” to mark attendance. Miss Moore played a small portable electric piano for the tots. Later in the mid-1980s, Gladys and her sister Marjorie Moore comprised the first Growth Committee when our pastor was the Rev. Paul Nickerson.

Church activities in the 1960s and ‘70s included a Junior Choir of about a dozen youth, mostly girls, and the Youth Group. Under the leadership of then pastor, the Rev. James McLaughlin, and youth minister John Hagerty, the youngsters gathered in fellowship and made a point of visiting monthly with resident children with special needs at the Lakeville Hospital.

Carol recalls her Sunday school teachers being Arlene Caswell, Phil Thomas, Charles Monahan, and Joanne Weygand during these decades; and Ethel Dolan as the Sunday School Superintendent. Carol recalls circulating UNICEF collection boxes as a Sunday school project when Halloween trick-or-treating.

After college, Carol returned to Bridgewater. Asked how she came to this church, she says she was “born there.” Baptized, confirmed, and then married to Philip Chaffee in this church, she soon took on the role of nursery coordinator in what is now the choir room. Her charges included the sons of the Barnsley family, the daughters of the Chandlers, and her own children, plus many more.

Today, Carol continues to minister in our church as a member of our Care Team. And, along with brother, David Hanson, she contributes to the annual Harvest Table at our Fair. Watch for her delicious jellies, jams and other goodies next month at the fair!

On Saturday evening, October 16, an anniversary banquet celebration will be held at T.J. Smith’s Victorian House, 13 Cross Street in East Bridgewater from 5-9p.m. Cocktail and social hour will be at 5p.m. with no reservation required. A cash bar has been reserved for this hour. Sunday best attire or 19th or 20th century period costume is requested.

Reservations and meal selection will be needed for the banquet at 6 p.m. with a choice of one of three entrees (see below). Reservations can be mailed in providing the information requested on the form below, or can be made online by CLICKING HERE.

Entertainment after the dinner hour will center around the opening of the “Time Capsule”. It has not been opened for 50 years. Somehow, its existence was not known for the 175th Anniversary and so it was never opened. What a thrill that we will be opening it on October 16th!

In order to remember this important anniversary, we have worked with a company called Photo USA Corporation to create a ceramic mug using the oldest picture of our church that we have in our archives. We hope you will consider this a special item that you would like to have to remember this momentous event.

It is dishwasher safe and will hold 15 ounces of your favorite coffee, tea, or hot chocolate. The cost is $10 per mug. You may call the church (508-697-6016) and reserve the number of mugs you would like to purchase, sending a check for the total to the church. Or, you may send your check made out to CSCC to Terry Reynolds, 5 Beech St., Bridgewater, MA 02324. Hurry and place your order! The mugs will be arriving shortly. We will place a second order if enough people are interested, but there will be a wait time.

Time Capsule!

We will be opening the time capsule at the anniversary banquet on Saturday, October 16. We also want to put a few items in that represent the last 50 years of our church (since the last time it was opened). We can only add a few small items to the box before resealing it for 25 more years, and for the next generation of members to explore and remember. If you have a suggestion of an item to add that represents a CSCC event, or something else noteworthy about our church, please get in touch with the church office. At this time, we have two small items to add. We need to hear from you soon!

CSCC Cabinet Meeting – Minutes

September 15, 2021 at 7pm in person

The meeting was called to order at 7:03 by Anne Malmquist, Moderator.

Cabinet members in attendance: Rev. Beth Stotts, Pastor; Anne Malmquist, Moderator; Denise Molinari, Vice Moderator; Dave Sheibley, Treasurer; Diane Sheibley, Clerk; Gordon Brailsford & Ed Buckland, Board of Trustees; Bill O’Neil, Board of Christian Outreach; Terry Reynolds, History & Memorials Committee; Bette deKoning, Women’s Guild & Fellowship

Also present: Deborah Lancaster, Congregational Administrator

Rev. Beth opened the meeting with a prayer.

Diane Sheibley did the roll call and verified that a quorum was present.

June Meeting Minutes

The minutes from the June meeting were reviewed. Denise Molinari motioned to accept the minutes. Rev. Beth seconded. The minutes were approved without any changes.

Pastor’s Report [also see written report] – Rev. Beth Stotts

Rev. Beth began by reviewing the upcoming worship details and dates as noted on her report. She highlighted her sabbatical over the summer, the book study she conducted in August with the book author, and the speech she gave at the 9/11 remembrance here in town. She noted that there is still much pastoral care being done. She continues to develop hybrid worship. She reported that she is now the chair of the Greater Bridgewater Interfaith Council, and appreciates the opportunity to meet all the new clergy people in town, and to connect the churches through this council.

Treasurer’s Report [also see written report] – David Sheibley

Dave reported that giving is below budget, partly because we did not hold a golf tournament this year. Expenses are also down so far this year. Investments are still doing well, and so for we have been able to only draw on earnings for needed cashflow, not having to touch principal.

Congregational Administrator’s Report [also see written report] – Deborah Lancaster

Deborah reported that she has been working on attendance tracking for Sunday worship services. She also reported that we have a new building renter, the Lions Club. She has been working on updating the renters binder and reorganized all the information in it. She has also created a Congregational Administrator binder of all the tasks and procedures associated with her job. Deborah recently revised the paid time off policy wording, and it was approved by the Trustees. She is also making sure that the contact tracing recordkeeping is being enforced.

Recently Deborah came in to work on a Friday morning to find the side door on the alley side of the building standing open. She reported it to the Trustees and has contacted the group that was in the building the night before.

Rev. Beth noted that the printer doesn’t seem to work on Sunday mornings (a long-standing issue). Deborah will try leaving her computer on (and not putting it into ‘sleep’ mode) when she leaves on Friday to see if that helps.

Food Pantry Report [also see Jack’s written report] – Bill O’Neil

Bill noted that they are still seeing fewer people than in the past. He also reported that the grant that was formerly paying for Bill’s Taxi to help deliver food to those that needed it has run out. The food pantry is looking for volunteers that are available on Thursday mornings, on an on-call basis, to help deliver food. Volunteers would be notified the day before if they were needed. Also, volunteers are needed to help bring excess cardboard to the transfer station. The Food Pantry personnel have also asked the Bridgewater town manager to address the lack of “no parking” signs on Church St.

The youth football team The Bridgewater Badgers had a food drive, and about 25 youth and their leaders came to the church to bring in the donations. Bill gave them all a tour of the food pantry as well as some information on food insecurity.

Anne Malmquist asked (1) how much it would cost for Bill’s Taxi to continue to delivery food if we had to pay for it (not sure of the answer), and (2) if the Board of Christian Outreach would consider paying that fee if it meant getting food to those who need it. It was decided to look for volunteers who could help deliver food on an as-needed basis on Thursday mornings.

Board of Christian Outreach – Bill O’Neil

Bill reported that the Board of Christian Outreach donated $500 each to Haiti, Afghanistan, and Ida relief projects.

Church Building Project – Anne Malmquist with information from Barbara Morey

Brian Pfeiffer has resigned from the project (he was currently working on the deed restriction). He has returned the $1000 we paid him. He cited other commitments and the length of time the project was taking, as well as the length of time it took to get questions answered. Barbara is pursuing another historical consultant, based in Rhode Island.

Gordon has asked the town why the deed restriction is on the whole building when they have only granted us money for work on the steeple. He also wants to call attention to the “construction service charges” that could total $57,000. He also acknowledged that we might be starting all over again with the deed restriction because of having to hire a new consultant. The Trustees feel the current state of the building structure should be made more aware to Cabinet. A meeting between the Historical Church Building Committee and the Board of Trustees is also needed. Terry and Barbara will work with Gordon to set up this meeting.

200th Anniversary Banquet – Terry Reynolds

The banquet will be held at TJ Smith’s in East Bridgewater, on Saturday, Oct. 16. The evening will include hors d’oeuvres, an entrée of your choice (chicken pot pie, prime rib, baked haddock), dessert, and coffee. During the evening, the time capsule will be opened. It has not been opened in 50 years. The committee will be talking about what we can put in that represents the last 50 years in the church. Maybe a DVD or flash drive of an online worship service? Maybe a Sunday bulletin?

Anne Malmquist asked if there had been any discussion of masking and other COVID protocols. Terry answered that they would do whatever the state requires. There is a 30-60 person limit at the venue.

It was suggested that perhaps someone could be there to record the time capsule portion of the evening so those not in attendance can share in the experience. Terry noted the suggestion.

Terry also reported that commemorative mugs were being produced and would be ready soon. She had a sample. They will cost $10. Interested parties can contact the church office or Terry.

Fair Committee – Diane Sheibley

Diane asked Cabinet for permission to hold a raffle and raffle off baskets during the fair event in November. Denise Molinari made a motion to approve the request, and Rev. Beth seconded. The motion passed unanimously.

Women’s Guild and Fellowship – Bette deKoning

The Women’s Guild will be having their first meeting of the season on October 6. Bette asked about access to the kitchen. After discussion, it was decided that groups may use the kitchen for staging food, making beverages, and washing dishes in the sink. No more than 4 people may be in the kitchen at one time, and all must be masked. And it was noted that anything that can be done in the Fellowship Hall with food should be done out there. Deborah will take care of signage. The kitchen floor has been fixed, but the Trustees are not sure of the state of the dishwasher, as it hasn’t been used in over 18 months.

It was agreed that outside groups can use the kitchen under the same guidelines. Outside groups should take their trash with them after an event; inside groups don’t have to.

Boards & Committees Review – Diane Sheibley

Diane asked to review the list of who is on each board and committee, as we have not had elections in 2020 and 2021. She asked about the names that appeared on the most recent board and committee list.

It was noted that it is time to recenter ourselves on the work of the board and committees, and we need to reach out to the members and encourage people to become active again, if they haven’t been.

New Business

· Rev. Beth reported on the Crayon Project, a non-profit organization created by Bridgewater residents Kevin and Beth Anne Bligh, which raises funds across the U.S. and donates multicultural art supplies to schools and non-profit organizations in an effort to spread respect for diversity among young children. Rev. Beth was able to present them with a donation check from the Board of Christian Outreach, on behalf of the church.

· Rev. Beth also noted that Minister of Music Julia (Carey) has commissioned a Christmas piece that will be premiered here at CSCC.

Rev. Beth closed the meeting with a prayer at 8:15pm.